There is a small pile of dishes on a few different counters in the kitchen, neither teenager has done their chores all week, little girls are fighting over the most ridiculous thing (yet again) and I am pretty sure I forgot to get toilet paper the last time I went shopping for the third time this week. Oh, there are so many times I wish I could hit a mute or pause button when either one of the youngest kids asks the same question over and over again. I don’t remember so many questions with the older two kids. With working two jobs, raising four children and barely taking care of a home, I find myself exhausted at the thought of making yet another dinner. What is the point of this? I just wanted to take a moment and let you all know that I get it.
I never imagined that I would be the parent of four children or even be remotely good at it. I mean, I am not going to lie. There are times when I have forgotten children at activities or even took a night or three off from homework when I knew that it was important that I sit down with my child and listen to them read or do math. There are nights when I have not even taken the time to brush my kid’s teeth (I know, audible gasp!). You know, now that I think about it, I am not sure sometimes why my kids even like me. I have a tiny tot who loves to kiss her mama so much that I am worried she won’t even make it to the bus in the morning. She hugs me good-bye even when walking her brother and sisters down to the bus. So, what have I done to deserve to be their mother?
One of my other posts will explain this post/video all the better, “A Bunch Gut Career” where I discuss some of my experiences as a professional counselor. I think about the times that I have likely been a failure as a parent. I won’t get into them, but I imagine that you can think of a few or many times when you have been less than a good parent. We’re humans, so we all do the best that we can. I contact teachers and do my best to stand up for my kids when I need to. I try to get them into the best programs as possible. I was fantastic getting my older two kids to the library when they were little for craft and story time. I always, always let them know on a regular basis that they are loved and that I am proud of them. Mom rushes to and fro bringing lunches and music folders to school when they are forgotten. I try to make sure they are all well-fed, and when our youngest and tiniest child hasn’t seemed to grow much at all, I even went to a nutritionist only to learn that I don’t have to fight her to eat (score!).
Parents will struggle with their own demons and will make terrible decisions in life. It’s impossible to avoid, but I wonder if you’re reading this if you have thought of the good things that make up your parenting relationship. We must always remember that there is room for improvement, no matter what. Mother’s who seem like supermom (chill) even for you there is room to grow. Us mother’s who feel lazy now and again, chill cause you’re not as bad as you think.
Listen, I love being a mother. I didn't know that I would love it as much as I do. However, it does not mean that sometimes I am not a big fan of snot noses or running this kid here or there or making one more dish for a kid party. I have felt lonely and angry as a mother. I am doing the best I can to raise the next generation and I pray, a lot. I share as much as I can with others and then I pray again.